Tested and Tried

I'm sitting here, emotions running high - perhaps low is the better word - because yet again, my situation has taken a turn for the seeming worse. It should hardly be a surprise. In the last six to eight weeks, God has accomplished more in my life than in any comparable time I can recall in all my life. That (1) He should allow tests to challenge and reinforce that growth and (2) the enemy would want to bring destruction in contrast are neither of them surprising.

The situation is different than it was before in many ways - here it's a question of provision, not of dealing with hurt from friends. How will this need be met? Certainly it's not a need I'm anywhere near capable of meeting in and of myself; my own ability to provide for myself at this point is limited by the business of my schedule and the constraints imposed by the rigor of my degree program. In the previous circumstance, the difficulty arose in that I could do nothing to affect the course my friends had set, no matter how high the cost for our friendship or for their futures.

But the situations aren't that different, either, when it comes right down to it. Now, as then, the question is simply trust - will I fix my eyes on the situation, or will I choose to surrender, to simply let go and take the leap into the dark, knowing that God is big enough, sovereign enough to be Lord in this situation?

Do I truly believe that He is indeed Lord?

Yes. I do. I say that with more hesitation than I like, but I am choosing, in spite of all my emotions, to fix my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith, to run this race with endurance. If we have temporary victory and then fall again into the same pattern of relying on ourselves, of trusting in our own strength and our own understanding, what does it avail for the kingdom? What testimony does that establish? Rather, we ought to be constant, presing on despite the dfificulty of it. My emotions, as I was telling a friend only a few weeks ago, don't have any control over me. In fact, I was thinking through that - with regard to a wholly different situation - just moments before this came up.

Coincidence? There is no such thing. The Spirit was preparing me - and I, unfortunately, wasn't listening as closely as I ought to have been. But again I must marvel at His sovereignty, at His preparation of my heart. If He has provided such an excellent way for me, why should walk in the folly of my own wisdom? No, instead I will remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and recall that His word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

One of our Father's names means "God Provides" - or perhaps "God Provider." Provision is who He is.

My name means Christ-follower. Following involves trust. The question for me - for all of us - is whether we'll believe who He is. Will I choose in this moment to be my name, to be who He made me to be, so that I can see the fullness of His as never before - so that He can be glorified in my life?

I have, and I am, and I will. Will you?

- Chris