I'm disquieted tonight. I don't really know why. My spirit is simply troubled. I was a bit disturbed at some people's response to an invitation this evening - but that doesn't seem enough to explain a disquietude of this magnitude. I'm frustrated with myself as much as anything, for the simple reason that I don't care for the response of my own heart to the situation; and I'm frustrated that I'm not getting to the root of the issue, whatever it may be.
I think there are a lot of issues here, brought to the surface by that response but not terribly connected to it. Things that were brought up in conversation with Justine the other night. Things that were brought up in conversation with Peggy tonight that stirred up emotions. Things that the pastor at my home church brought up that agitated my thoughts a bit. All of those only tangentially related. All of them relatively low-key; but together making a tangled mess in my mind, a boiling cauldron of emotion.
I want my heart to be steady; I want my mind to be stayed on God alone.
I'm going to go spend a while reading the Word, and then sleep. Hopefully the combination will help.
Peace with you all.
- Chris
I think there are a lot of issues here, brought to the surface by that response but not terribly connected to it. Things that were brought up in conversation with Justine the other night. Things that were brought up in conversation with Peggy tonight that stirred up emotions. Things that the pastor at my home church brought up that agitated my thoughts a bit. All of those only tangentially related. All of them relatively low-key; but together making a tangled mess in my mind, a boiling cauldron of emotion.
I want my heart to be steady; I want my mind to be stayed on God alone.
I'm going to go spend a while reading the Word, and then sleep. Hopefully the combination will help.
Peace with you all.
- Chris
Perhaps it is because your heart is steady and your mind is on God alone that you find yourself in this place? Perhaps God has led you here? Perhaps He has something planned with all of this? Something that will sharpen your iron and bring glory to Him? If so, remain in the fire until God leads you out.
ReplyDeleteBeing in the will of God with our hearts and minds centered on Him does not cause the effect of being in a place of quietude all the time. Quite the contrary. The closer to the heart of God we become, the deeper into the war we tread. It is not for the faint-hearted.
This is not a time or place of waste; it is a time and place of purpose. Keep journaling ... one moment at a time ... eventually you will look back and "see" what God was doing and has already done :)
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Dear God, times of disquietude are so disarming. They shake us in ways that are almost fearful sometimes. But they are purposeful. You have led Chris on this path not by coincidence, but by purpose. Continue to let each breath of this time of discord be all about You and nothing about him. Thank You for holding him so dear to Your heart. I love You, God, Ame